The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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