I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
