Sponge bath it is.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a search helicopter?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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