ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
