my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
