I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
