thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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