She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
