it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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