You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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