textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
