your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
