I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
