I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize