mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
