Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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