Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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