I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
