I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
