I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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