The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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