you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
