I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
