this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize