i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
