i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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