You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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