i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
