She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
