Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
