I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
