Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
