That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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