cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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