come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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