The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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