You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
