So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
