I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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