It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
