Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
