She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
