And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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