I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
