is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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