I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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