if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
