There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
