Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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