Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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