Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
