I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
