cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FUCK WHALES
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
