I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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