Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
