you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
