I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Couch. On fire.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize