ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
