ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
