Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
