remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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